The Confessional – Volume 16
It’s that time again…time to enter the weekly confessional and confess our mothering sins to the world. In The Confessional, there is no judgment, no superiority, and no hiding…We become transparent and vulnerable so that others may find the freedom to do so as well. We convince ourselves that we are the ONLY mom in the whole world who ever does the things we do…says the things we say…gets angry with their kids…We feel unnecessary guilt and shame over the most ridiculous of things…In The Confessional, we get the chance to see that we are not alone, and that even those of us who try our best to pretend like we have it all together…really don’t. Pure honesty…..pure relief…
Today’s confessor is Evelyn Shoop, from Momsicle:Something to Suck On . She is a fellow PDX area parent and a fantastically witty and honest writer. I have really enjoyed getting to know her through Twitter and am honored that she is with us today! I hope you will check out her blog! Okay…here we go…
Father forgive me…
Confessions of a Pregnant-Lady, Aspiring-Writer, Former Over-Achiever
Sometimes, when I’m seeing the world through the lens of my blog, I forget that there’s a real life going on behind the browser.
In the real life I’m constantly trying to put myself in the right rhythm, trying to get all the household things done without yelling at K-Pants (my toddler), and trying not to lose my sense of purpose in the minutia. Boy, is that last part hard to do. Because I’m still trying to get a grip on my purpose. After becoming a full-time mom, my compass took a wild turn toward a different magnet, and it’s still spinning.
But here I am a wanderin’. And here are my confessions:
- 1. I don’t follow any of the pregnancy rules. I tried. But during my first pregnancy I was craving a sandwich—any sandwich. I went to the grocery store: the bacon had nitrates, the deli meats were all off limits, and my only option was to take a piece of bloody meat home and grill it to within an inch of its life. Who can live like that?! Camel’s back done broke. So I’m pregnant and I eat sushi, Subway sandwiches, raw, stinky cheeses, and I drink wine and beer (not much!!). Thank God I’m not a smoker.
- 2. I change outfits every two days. Even though my wardrobe is composed of black leggings, jeans, two sweaters, and some shirts in shades of grey, I just can’t get it together enough to mix-and-match for seven different outfits in a week. If I have plans with the same person two days in a row that really throws me off.
- 3. I give my son a bath every other day, if he’s lucky. He’s kind of on my same outfit-changing plan: Every other day is good enough. I love bath time, but at the end of the day I’m exhausted. Totally, utterly exhausted. And the thought of bathtime is so onerous. I don’t know why. Warm water and so many fun toys: Shouldn’t it be relaxing?
- 4. I love perfume. In the Middle Ages, churches used incense to mask the foul aroma of the peeps inside (something about the Holy Spirit, too). I do shower (promise!) but I feel like a little perfume makes me whole and masks whatever the day may throw my way. Perfume is like an imaginary force field that wards off old milk and mud, plus it gives me permission to never change my earrings.
- 5. As I write this, we are at a household all-time low: my son is wearing the same shirt from three days ago. We’ve had colds and been busy, but there’s really no excuse. I don’t even know how it happened. I think my husband was involved in this one… Someone needs to share the blame.
- 6. I always think I can do something better than you. Years of over-achieving has left me with a superiority complex. It’s hard to unlearn this stuff. I’m trying, but it’s hard. Really hard. Because I can do most things better than you. Ugh. There I go again.
- 7. I don’t know how to use an iron or a mop. Apparently this is what academics call “learned helplessness.” I used to do these things just fine. But I don’t like to. So I forgot.