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Posted by on May 29, 2011 in Diary of a Supermom, Featured, The Confessional | 2 comments

The Confessional – Volume 25

The Confessional – Volume 25

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My favorite post of the week is here…Sunday is the day where we come together on Chasing Supermom to right our wrongs, slow down from a busy week, and spend five minutes gaining something all too elusive…validation. I started this weekly feature to give moms a chance to rid themselves of all the crazy guilt we allow ourselves to carry around (along with the baby, the diaper bag, the backpack, the frying pan…), and to help each of us recognize that we are NOT alone…You are NOT the only mom who struggles…who sometimes yells….who finds herself longing for just five minutes of peace and quiet. Head on over to The Confessional Archives, and see for yourself….Each week another brave parent bravely confesses their parenting sins to the blogosphere, and steps away with sweet relief…

This week’s confessor is Shelley, the author of “Assburgers for Dinner” (She’s the mother of a child on the spectrum, and writes very openly and honestly about parenting an “aspie.”) I hope you will show her blog some love. I know you will appreciate her honesty and authenticity (two of her qualities that made me approach her to write today’s post!) Ready to feel better? Read on my friends. Go and sin no more.

Father forgive me…

I confess that I was not cut out to be a domestic goddess.   I would give anything to have a maid.   I don’t get to see my kids all day,while I’m at work… the last thing I want to do is come home and clean.   I want to spend my time playing with and enjoying them.   My kids don’t care if their house looks like a Better Homes and Gardens house.   They want to be with their Momma. After I get them in bed,  I’m pretty much done for the day.  So,  yeah… laundry is in random baskets throughout the house…some folded and some not.   Toys clutter my living room and my dining room table usually has school papers,  mail,  random toys,  etc. on it.  Dusting occurs when we are having people over or on days when I have had too much caffeine and the kids are with their Dad.  If I could afford a maid…I would have one.   Cleaning sucks!

I confess that we eat out or get take-out entirely too much.   I don’t cook very often.   I’m a picky eater, my daughter is picky and my son will eat whatever.   Some nights we all eat different things.  My daughter has Asperger’s and has issues with food.   She eats PB&J and Mac n cheese and few times a week.   I’m a single working Mom,  if my kid wants cheerios and yogurt… fine by me.   I’m too tired (ok fine.. and lazy) to cook big meals that take forever and nobody wants.   I can’t remember the last time my daughter had a vegetable…. it’s just not worth the meltdowns.

I yell.  I hate it… but I tell A LOT.   My KIDS are most likely both ADHD and are off in their hyper distracted worlds quite often.   I can ask them nicely to do something 8 zillion times… but it won’t happen.   I think the little monsters have learned my awesome skill of tuning people out.   That was supposed to just be something I do…not them!   As much as I get so frustrated with yelling all the time… it seems like it’s a necessity and I just need to accept it.   Plus, I kinda like the sexy raspy voice I get after a long weekend of being the referee between them.   Believe me,  I would prefer to have easy,  compliant,  calm kids and not yell near as often!   I’ve tried to stop yelling… it is just not gonna fly in my house.

I have 2 children that I love both completely and equally.   They are my everything.   But…one child is sweeter and just easier to be around than the other.   I don’t want to say I play favorites because I don’t believe that is the case… but I definitely have a more relaxing and enjoyable time with one over the other.   Sometimes on the weekends, my son and I will be awake early and having a nice morning together just snuggling and reading books or watching cartoons.  I hate to admit it but there are times when I am slightly bummed when “the beast” awakens and the chaos begins.

Zoloft and Xanax are my saving grace. Sounds bad but being a single mom is hard enough… but with one child on the autistic spectrum and both of them are very hyper and loud… that makes it all the more stress inducing.  They argue and bug the heck out of each other constantly. Getting through the bedtime routine some nights is completely exhausting and overwhelming.   There are times when I feel like my head will explode or I will lose my mind so I take a mini break to do some deep breathing and take half a Xanax on occasion.  It helps me be a better,  calmer Mom.
P. S. Sometimes a nice glass of Chardonnay helps too.

My daughter had a birthday last month.   I got her a Nintendo DSi because I have heard it can be calming for Aspie/ADHD kids… but also because it gives me a much needed break from her non-stop talking.   I also let her play it way longer than I probably should on weekends and on car rides.  I love my spunky girl but seriously…. she never stops talking!

There are nights when I am so worn out and just done with the kids and their shenanigans so I tell them it’s past their bedtime and I rush them into bed.   I skip teeth brushing, prayers,  bedtime stories and baths (if they aren’t stinky or sticky).   If they ask about one of those things.. I tell them that it’s late and we will have to skip it tonight and just do it tomorrow.

I’m sorry for my awful Mommy behavior…. please forgive me.

 

If YOU are interested in confessing, please contact me! I would LOVE to have you!!

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2 Comments

  1. I yell all the time. You are not alone!

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