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Posted by on Sep 8, 2011 in Diary of a Supermom, Featured, Parenting Panel, Uncategorized | 1 comment

Parenting Panel: Broken Rules

Parenting Panel: Broken Rules

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I am SO excited for the beginning of the parenting panel here on Chasing Supermom! I have assembled one awesome group of parents to share their ideas, opinions, and perspectives with you, because let’s face it….I’m just one voice….one side of the coin, and one set of beliefs about parenting. I am a firm believer that parents should feel the freedom to parent in the way that works best for THEIR family, and that (aside from abuse) there is no wrong way to parent. Parents so often feel like they have to hide their choices or conform to what everyone else is doing. Ideologies and ways of doing things get crammed down people’s throats and parents just end up feeling like they can’t win. I think it is VITAL to listen and learn from parents of all walks of life who parent in many different ways. Learning how other people tackle parenting issues ultimately either affirms our own choices, or allows us to see things from a different point of view. I think this is going to be a wonderful adventure, and I’m SO grateful for the parents that have agreed to come along on this journey with me!

Each week, the panel will be tackling one parenting issue, and presenting their opinions and ideas for you to learn from/consider. Some weeks the topics will be light and fun, while we just may dare to tackle some typically controversial topics as well. I hope you will be able to learn from the parents on the panel today…I know I have!

Today’s Question:

Your child comes home from a friend/family member’s/neighbor’s home and tells you that they played with/watched/ate something that you disapprove of/don’t allow in your own home. What do you do?

Panelist: Bekki (Chasing Supermom)

Who She Is: mom of three kids (5, 3, 10 months)

Find Her: http://www.chasingsupermom.com http://www.facebook.com/chasingsupermom @chasingsupermom

Response: This one is hard for me, as I will do just about anything to avoid confrontation. Instead of going to the parent/family member who allowed our child to do/watch something we don’t allow (and be worried about criticizing/judging the way THEY choose to parent), I would talk with my child about what happened.  We talk about how certain things are things they ONLY get to do at someone else’s house, and that even though it is okay for that child all the time, it isn’t okay at our house. When this has happened in the past, my daughter has come home and told me that she played or watched a “naughty” thing/show, so she knows her boundaries. We are beginning to let her know that it is okay to let her friend know that it isn’t something she is supposed to do/watch, and that it is always okay to tell someone that you don’t want to do something/go along with something. When this begins to go beyond playing with “guns” and watching Sponge Bob, I might re-think just having a super casual chat with the parent/family member, explaining why we don’t want our kids to be around said toy/show, etc.

 

 

Panelist: David

Who He Is: Chasing Supermom’s better half and Dad of 3 (5, 3, 10 months)

Find Him: His sites/blog: http://www.worshipministrycatalyst.com http://davidlindnermusic.com/ On Twitter: @THEdavidlindner

Response: First we would talk about how that is not okay. Depending on what it was, they may even have to go to timeout for it, if it was something they knew they shouldn’t participate in. Then we would talk about what they could do if they are in that situation again. ie – go to the parent/guardian who is in charge and say my mommy & daddy don’t want me to do/watch/play this.

If this happens again at the same friends house, we probably wouldn’t let them go back over to that friends house, and any interaction would have to be at our house under our supervision.

 

Panelist: Josephine

Who She Is: Soon to be mama of 3 (4, 14 months, and one on the way!)

Response: IF there is something that I am adamant about my kids’ not doing/eating/learning I share that with a friend PRIOR to leaving my kids. My kids are still young enough that unless they are being dropped off to be babysat, I am usually also there with them. My son has been exposed to some ‘older’ games, thanks to older siblings- that were not things that I was ready to explore (more on the fighting side of things) and after a few reminders at home of ‘our’ rules, etc my son has learned that its not appropriate in our home, but it is in others’ homes. {Our families live over 1000 miles away and I have had to learn quickly that there will be many exceptions at Grandma & Grandpa’s house, and in the end its worth it – the kids eventually learn that its a treat – I struggled with this when my son was an infant- 4 years later I welcome their ‘treats’}

 

Panelist: Christy

Who She Is: mom of two teens!

Find Her: on Twitter @busybee76

Response: Luckily I haven’t had anything like that happen. With both of my kids being Teenagers, they pretty much understand what’s OK & what isn’t and I trust them to make the right decision if they were put into a situation they knew wasn’t right or that I wasn’t OK with. If something like that were to happen, we would talk about it and the next time they were going to that persons home, I would remind them about our discussion. If it continued to happen, I would then speak to the person allowing it to happen and tell them why I’m not OK with it and expect them to understand & respect my decision.

 

Panelist:Cara

Who She Is: homeschooling mother of 2 (9 and 2), mother of a child with ADHD, SPD, and a peanut allergy

Find Her: http://www.peanutsareevil.com and on Twitter @nolamom76

Response: We talk about it and we talk about why it’s not ok in our family and sometimes we are bit firm about it depending on what happened. I use “just because it’s ok for Billy doesn’t make it ok for you” a lot.  The only time I bring it up to the other parent or family member is if it’s something that will children’s health and well being. Other parents are going to have other rules, you have to deal with it. They are going to allow things you won’t, and vice versa. It’s up to us as parents to instill our values in our children, not someone else. When we let them go out into the world, we just have to trust that they will keep those values.  The biggest thing is to keep the line of communication open, so when they do something at someone’s house you don’t approve of, they aren’t scared to tell you about it in the future.

 

Panelist:Chase

Who She Is: all-natural mama of 1 (17 months)

Find Her: chasesview.blogspot.com

Response: My response to this question would very much depend on the specifics of the incident, so my answer is going to be very generic.  I would most likely ask the friend/family member/neighbor to detail what happened to find out their reasoning for allowing my child to (fill in the blank).  Then I would let the person know that in the future my child isn’t allowed to do that at our house or anyone elses, and explain my reasoning (or not explain my reasoning…again, depends on specifics and how strongly I felt about my child not doing whatever it was!)  I’m not a confrontational person so this would be difficult for me.  I have learned (am learning) that when it comes to my child I can be more assertive in my beliefs, preferences, etc.

 

Panelist: Ruby

Who She Is:Newlywed w/o children

Response: As I don’t have children yet, I will answer this question hypothetically. :) My response would likely depend on a few factors, such as how well I know the family and how close my children are to them. In most cases, I just would try to be upfront and honest; if it’s about something my family doesn’t allow, I would try to be clear on the topic for the future just in case they didn’t already know, but also work to not offend them by challenging their own parenting skills. If they’re repeat offenders (meaning the other home disregards our clearly-stated preferences), then I would discourage further time being spent there in the future. Instead, I would try to have their children over if mine still would like to play with them. Admittedly, when one’s own family members aren’t listening to these requests, that’s an extremely challenging situation. I can only say at this time that I would do my best to work with the personalities at play, but ultimately doing what I feel is best for my kids should be my top priority.

 

Panelist: Penny

Who She Is: natural and organic mom

Find Her: Her blog/site: www.greenkidcrafts.com On Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/greenkidcrafts

Response: In our family, we don’t watch TV and eat mostly fresh, organic food. When my daughter comes home talking about some cartoon she watched while eating a hot dog or some other processed food, although I cringe a little inside, on the outside I am mostly just excited for her and her new experience.  I believe that it is my job to model the type of healthy lifestyle I want for my children, but not to force it down their throats, especially if doing so would isolate them from their peers. The only time I am not okay with her experiencing something I don’t allow at home is if I have a prior agreement with a caregiver not to expose her to something and this agreement isn’t honored. For example, I once removed her from a home daycare when I made a surprise visit and found her watching the news and slurping down a sugary drink – not the worst things is the world, I know, but things that the caregiver assured me would not happen.

 

Panelist: Veronica

Who She Is: Single mom of two

Response: I would first remind my son that he isn’t allowed to eat, watch, or do what ever it was that he did. I would also explain the reason why to him again. Then I would talk to the person who’s house he was at and let them know that I don’t allow that. I wouldn’t get upset with either of them, the first time. I would consider it a warning.

 

Panelist: Tracy

Who She Is: mom of 3 (16, 13, and 9)

Find Her: Her blog/site: www.superblakebooks.com On Facebook:  facebook.com/superblakebooks On Twitter: twitter.com/superblakebooks

Response: The answer depends on the age: Birth to about 4th grade I would discuss it with the parents at the house my child was visiting and let them know that “Johnny” isn’t allowed to watch that particular show or eat that particular food.  Beyond that age I would discuss it with my child and let them know what’s expected while they are away.  If they end up doing something that I don’t approve of I would discuss it with my child and reinforce why we have that particular rule or boundary set for them.  If it happened a 2nd time I would let them know that going to a friends house is a privilege and I need to know they can be trusted while away from home.  After that I would have to talk with the parents if it continued to happen.

 

Panelist: Brandi

Who She Is: homeschooling mom of 4

Response: I feel that this is a really broad question, but depending on what it was that they ate, watched or played with if it wasn’t that severe but we didn’t allow  it, I would talk to my kids and explain to them why we don’t do that and why we have the rules in our home that we do and how to handle the situation the next time they are placed in that predicament. I would give them
Options for a way out the next time and let them know they can ALWAYS blame me and call me if they need help. If the situation was out of line and I felt like the adult that was responsible for them at the time needed spoken to I would do that. I would explain to them that those things aren’t allowed in our home and depending on the situation I may not let my kids go over there again.

 

*Chasing Supermom does NOT tolerate negative/judgmental commenting. If you disagree with someone on the panel, that is great, and you are free to believe in what works for you….One reason I set up this panel was to allow people from differing points of view to express themselves. I disagree with several people on the panel on several issues…and love this. Bottom line: My blog is not a place of judgment. Every parent is free to be wholly themselves and true to their family and their children.

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1 Comment

  1. It was great to see other responses! :)

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