How to Deal with Haters
Haters. Everybody has them. The real trick is how to forget about them.
Unfortunately in my arena, sometimes people are a bit more courageous with their hate. It’s a lot easier to type a nasty comment on someone’s blog or facebook page than it may be to say something to someone’s face. The computer makes people bold. Forgetting their manners or perhaps living out some type of Jerry Springer fantasy, they hurl their insults from the security of their living room, far far away from their victim.
I’ve been blogging for about 2 1/2 years, and luckily have only had about 5 or 6 hateful comments….but let me tell you, they still hurt. I’ve been called out as a judgmental and fake Christian for saying I don’t think porn is respectful. I was called uncaring and questionable for dropping my kids off at birthday parties. Most recently, I was attacked for admitting that sometimes I find my children to be annoying (specifically, annoying when they are nagging me.) Yep, I admit that. I think most moms will. (And I’m guessing if this woman is truly never annoyed with her children, I posit that they are either imaginary or she is a saintly anomaly.)
I’m honest and real intentionally. I want all moms who stumble upon Chasing Supermom to find a safe place, where it is okay to admit our shortcomings and flaws. I want this to be a place where ALL styles of parenting and all parenting choices are VALIDATED. There is no place for haters here. And there is no place for haters in your life….or your head.
Even with the love and support of amazing friends and family (or awesome readers!), we tend to fixate on the negative. Who among us can still recall something hurtful someone said to you a decade ago? I’m guessing most of us. Ask just about anyone, and I’m sure they’d admit that they’d take the sticks and stones over the words and names people use to hurt us.
While “Chasing Supermom” has been wounded a time or two, so has “real life” Bekki. People can be mean. Words hurt. Sometimes feelings take years to repair. Even now as I sit typing, I’m still stewing over the hateful comment received today. Even though her words were off-base and came from someone I don’t know, they sting. The last thing I want is for any of my readers is to feel the sting of mean words. Here are a few things to consider the next time someone hurtles an insult your way (or sends you an email telling you that God told them to tell you you’re the world’s biggest b word…..true story.)
Hurt people hurt people.
When someone calls you out or puts you down, they are typically a broken individual. Their anger and pain is manifesting itself in an unhealthy way. The hurt in their heart is spewing out of their mouth. Which leads me to my next point….
It May Not Be About YOU
Have you ever blown up at someone simply because you’d reached your breaking point? You weren’t really upset about the juice spilling, it was merely the thing in a long series of events that set your fuse. It’s like that for some people. Sometimes, people are experiencing a hard time or simply having a bad day, and you just happen to be the veritable cup of juice that spills.
Think Before Engaging
Most negative and intentionally mean-spirited words do not deserve a response. Think long and hard before responding….especially if you too are angry. It’s often best to simply hold your tongue and not stoop to their level.
Consider the Source
When someone attacks you, stop and consider who the person is. Is it someone you care about? Do you have a meaningful relationship with this person? Does this person truly know you as a person? Is the attack coming from someone you respect or look up to? If you can’t answer yes to any of these questions, their comments typically aren’t worth a second thought. It’s one thing to have someone who loves and cares about you point out something you may be struggling with. It’s another thing altogether to have a random person or acquaintance call you out or put you down.
Remember You are Loved
I used to keep an old manilla envelope of all of the encouragement notes and letters I’d gotten over the years. Whenever I was down, I’d read through those letters, and instantly feel better. Know why? I was reminded that I was loved….that I mattered to someone….that I’d helped someone…For every one negative Nelly who wants to hurt you, there are 100 who love you and want to bless you. When someone gets you down, call a friend, snuggle your babies, read through old love letters….just remember you matter.
Today, I want you to join with me in kicking the haters out of your head. Seriously, do you really want them living up there? While I can block people who make hateful comments, it’s a bit harder to forget what they’ve said or not let their words get to me. I ask you to try to stay positive with me and remember how special and important you are. There will always be haters. But I like something I heard awhile back….The birds always pick at the best fruit.
If the words are not coming from a place of love, care, or concern from someone you have relationship with, let them go.