Welcome back to The Parenting Panel! I LOVE learning from other parents and viewing the world through different perspectives. I started the panel in hopes that we can all come together as a parenting community, rather than continue to judge the choices other families make. There is not one right way to parent…NO ONE has all the answers and there is no catch-all solution that works for every family. We’re all different and we all wake up and try to do the best we can for our kids. Let’s learn from each other and see if we can take away any ideas or realizations from others’ experiences!

This week’s question is a bit tougher than last time…Today we are looking at discipline….more specifically, how we feel about OTHER people disciplining our children. This is a tough one for a lot of parents, and I thought it would be beneficial to see how other parents are handling this situation. We’re a bit down in numbers this week, as quite a few members of the panel weren’t able to respond this time. I would love to find a few more parents (who have time to answer a few questions a month, and regularly check their email!). If you’re interested, please let me know!

For today, I hope you’ll find the opinions expressed useful…re-assuring…helpful…I know I do! I have come to appreciate these women and love their vulnerability each time we post!

How do you feel about other people disciplining your child? (Talk about when you are present and not present.)

Panelist: Bekki (Chasing Supermom)

Who She Is: mom of three kids (5, 3, 10 months, and one coming in February!)

Find Her: http://www.chasingsupermom.com http://www.facebook.com/chasingsupermom @chasingsupermom

Response: I have to be honest on this one….I can’t stand it. I sometimes feel as though people are stricter with other people’s children than they are their own, or tend to only see one side of a situation. We’ve been at play groups, parks, etc, where ALL the children will be playing a game, doing the same thing, and then some random mother will yell at one of my kids for something her own child did three minutes earlier…very frustrating. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut, and simply discuss it with my child privately, and let them know whether or not I agreed with whatever the other adult said.

This is also a difficult rule as people have such different guidelines, expectations, and thoughts about how children should behave. People can also have really different beliefs about HOW to discipline. Older generations may be more prone to spank, etc, rather than re-direct or use a time-out. To remedy some of this, we’ve had to discuss why certain rules are different at our house vs. a family member’s house, etc, and how they should modify their behavior accordingly to avoid punishment. I think the bottom line is to always come full circle back to your child after any type of discipline has been handed out, and talk with them about what happened.

 

Panelist: Josephine

Who She Is: Soon to be mama of 3 (4, 14 months, and one on the way!)

Response: It honestly depends on the situation. If we are at the park and another individual steps in to disciple my children with me sitting there, it makes me uncomfortable -I feel as if they think that I am not paying attention to my children (although in reality its most likely that we are testing our boundaries!) If we are in the company of close friends at a ‘play date’ I almost expect re-direction but feel that actual discipline (or a time-out in our case) is MY job as a parent because we all have different limits/rules/boundaries etc. If we are with family (when we visit our family out of state we stay with family) I am comfortable with my parents/siblings disciplining my children. I think for ME the difference is that when my family disciplines it is in their home – where I try to enforce that the rules at home are the rules at Grandma & Grandpa’s house.

 

Panelist: Christy

Who She Is: mom of two teens!

Find Her: on Twitter @busybee76

Response: Luckily I haven’t been in too many situations that have caused discipline from someone else besides my Husband or myself. Discipline these days is quite different and usually involves slamming doors, stomping upstairs or eye rolling. Gotta love Teenagers!

I think that anyone that would try to discipline my kids at this point would almost be welcome, depending on the situation. I feel like an outside influence in some cases, just might open their ears a little more to hear the point being made. In this age group, there isn’t much that actually gets to them. Time out just gets a laugh (Yes, I’ve done it recently) sending them to their rooms isn’t a big deal because they’d rather be there anyways. The only things that get a response of any sort right now is losing their cell phones or grounding them from their “social life”.

Panelist:Chase

Who She Is: all-natural mama of 1 (17 months)

Find Her: chasesview.blogspot.com

Response: If I am present and I see my child do something wrong, I would prefer to discipline her. If I do not see the incident, I would hope I would be told of her bad behavior in order to correct it myself.  I would not mind a few of my friends or family members correcting her behavior if I am not available (they are babysitting for example).

 

Panelist: Tracy

Who She Is: mom of 3 (16, 13, and 9)

Find Her: Her blog/site: www.superblakebooks.com On Facebook:  facebook.com/superblakebooks On Twitter: twitter.com/superblakebooks

Response:

Yes, it can be annoying when other people discipline or correct your child.  I react according to the circumstances.

One of the child’s siblings correcting:  I explain to them nicely that I appreciate them looking out for their sibling but to let me be the parent.

A grandparent correcting my children:  If I’m present and I agree with the correction, I usually acknowledge and confirm.  If I disagree and it’s my parents I tell them how I feel on the spot.  Things can get a little sticky if it’s the in-laws correcting them and I disagree.  I have learned to choose my battles.

A friend correcting my children:  If I’m present and agree, I acknowledge and confirm.  If I disagree I discuss it with my friend.  I haven’t run into to this too many times except when the kids were younger and were still learning how to share etc…

A stranger correcting my children:  I have had this happen and actually blogged about it.  I responded to the stranger and asked them as nicely as possible to mind their own business.  I know it may sound harsh but this person actually said to me that “children should be seen and not heard.”  My child was under two and was saying “mama” repeatedly in a giggly way.  I’m guessing this stranger was having a bad day.

 

Panelist: Brandi

Who She Is: homeschooling mom of 4

Response: If I am present, this is very frustrating to me and a lot of times the mommy bear in me comes out and I become protective. I don’t think other people should discipline anyones child if the parents are present unless the parent is NOT being a parent at all and the child is causing harm to someone.

If I am not present, then I have left my child in the care of someone I trust.  I would hope that person would respect my parenting style and lovingly discipline my child if it was needed. In our home we spank if the crime warrants it but I would never be ok with anyone else spanking my child. When others leave their children in my care I try not to discipline them unless totally necessary, in that case I talk to them
And if needed place them in time out. Then when the parents come to pick them up if we have worked it and it’s not a big deal then I don’t say anything or I’ll let the child explain to their parent what happened.

 

*Chasing Supermom does NOT tolerate negative/judgmental commenting. If you disagree with someone on the panel, that is great, and you are free to believe in what works for you….One reason I set up this panel was to allow people from differing points of view to express themselves. I disagree with several people on the panel on several issues…and love this. Bottom line: My blog is not a place of judgment. Every parent is free to be wholly themselves and true to their family and their children.