I’m going to come right out and say it..I married a handsome man. David has a killer smile, deep-set dimples, hipster glasses, sparkly hazel eyes, and the kind of quiet confidence that is hard to find.Yesterday, my husband shaved the beard that has graced his face for about 7 of the 10 years we’ve been married. He posted a few pictures of his new look yesterday…and he looked uber-adorable. (As he always does.)
The problem is, someone else noticed that too. As I was scrolling through facebook this morning, I noticed that another woman had commented on the pics he put up of his new look. “Wow! You’re so handsome,” she commented. And I immediately wanted to punch her, write some type of passive-aggressive comment like, “Sorry ______. He’s already taken”, or break into the chorus of “Don’t Mess With My Man,” by Nivea.
Everything in me wanted to channel my inner Ross…
And then I remembered something pretty powerful….I trust my husband.
I don’t have to trust the other women of this world. I do need to trust my husband. As long as my marriage is built on a solid foundation of trust – those other women don’t matter. When trust is central in your marriage, insecurity is unnecessary.
The next time you begin to feel threatened by another woman, instead of the outlandish gestures that can give the appearance of insecurity or desperation (neither of which are attractive qualities), seek out ways to build trust within your marriage. Protect your relationship – actively and intentionally. Marriage is not a passive relationship. We can’t allow our relationship with our spouse to grow stale or we’ll find ourselves with a roommate instead of a loving partner.
When we are actively seeking out ways to show love and respect to our husbands, the “threats” of advances from other women will fade, as we become more secure in our relationship. We can’t stop the actions of others. I cannot control the way other women feel about my husband. I can’t control his thoughts and actions either. What I CAN control is the way I interact with my husband. I can show my husband love in every interaction – from the way I make his lunch to the way I speak to him when I’m upset. I can have faith in the good man that he is. I can demonstrate the trust that I have in our relationship, and in his love for me.
If you find yourself unsure of where you stand with your spouse today, open yourself up to trusting them. Believe in your relationship. Pour yourself into it, as you seek out ways to love and respect your husband. I love what Ernest Hemingway had to say…”The best way to find out if you can trust somebody, is to trust them” TRUST. Then trust some more. And when you find yourself feeling insecure or threatened by something or someone…trust some more.
Channeling your inner Ross won’t help your situation. Desperation, clingyness, and mistrust are not the pillars of a stellar marriage. If you are married to the kind of man who can be swayed by other women, your acts of jealousy and insecurity are not going to save your relationship. When that lion’s instinct kicks in and you find yourself wanting to go all Jerry Springer on another woman, instead, turn that energy into pouring love, kindness, and respect into your relationship. Care a little more. Spend more time with him. Be affectionate. Kiss him like you did when you were young. Be present. And again, trust him, and the strength of your marriage.
If you’ve been hurt in the past, or experienced some type of infidelity, this may be a trickier road for you to navigate, but in the words of Maya Angelou, “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”
Let the love and security of your marriage be enough.